Snow

I went to a restaurant earlier to meet some friends for dinner. None of them showed until thirty minutes later and I had to leave. During that time, I just sat and ate my burger and watched the snow through the window. I don't know what it is about falling snow that makes me feel that the world is full of so much sad beauty. The kind of beauty that when you actually stop and take notice of it, it leaves you feeling as though the only proper thing to do is cry because there's really no other way to express it. The only downside to this is that not everything IS beautiful... including people. So most of the rest of my evening has been spent feeling slightly annoyed and frustrated with the individuals that I feel will never reach beyond the petty things of their every day lives. Listening to them go on and on about the wrongs they feel have been dealt them, even though most of these so-called faults against them exist only in rumor and nothing more... or having a tall, skinny blonde tell me how challenging her weight watchers program is... or having someone fish for a way to compliment me and, in the process, semi-insult me instead... these things just make the world seem so much more discontent and due to my mood, just made me wish for nothing more than to not be around anyone who doesn't truly understand me. I just want to sit in peace and watch the snow fall and think about my brothers having snowball fights in the field at home... or about how we all used to sit on the love seat near the wood stove at home and just talk or read, enjoying the heat that chased away the chill... or about snuggling close to a guy I care deeply about (in one way or another) under a big, warm quilt and listening to the rain fall outside the window while we talk. I miss such things so much... because, to me, they are some of the best things life has to offer, even if they are terribly simple. I miss physical closeness... just holding another person's hand or being able to place my ear to a chest within which a heart beats soothingly. So much peace and comfort can be derived from just being near another human being who wants to be there too and understands a need for closeness.


I miss my brothers. Especially my baby brother. I just want to hug him and take a drive with him and talk for hours with him. I want him to know I'm there and that he can tell me anything and that no matter what, it will always be alright in the end. I want to tell him how much I love him and how thankful I am that he's in my life and how much more beauty there is in the world because he's here.

I want to get in my car and drive with my favorite music blasting full volume to guarantee that I lose my hearing at a young age. I want to drive until I reach the point where the Pacific Ocean touches the beautiful black beaches of Washington. Then I'd sit and watch and listen and smell and be happy.

Long night. What can I say....

Have to leave soon. Wonder if it's still snowing.... I hope so.

Peace.