Weather, a Thesis, and Outstanding Music as Usual

The weather here the past few days has been kind of crazy. We were bracing ourselves for a nightmare of a winter weather system, but other parts of the state seem to have taken the hit instead of us. We just got some freezing rain and sleet. I woke up this morning to a chilly 26 degrees and a thin layer of ice on the grass and trees. Not enough to close the university, though. While I would have loved to have had some fun with some snow and ice, I'm really glad that we didn't lose power to our home like thousands of others around the state have. Both of my parents living in different parts of northeast Arkansas lost electricity to their homes and still don't know when their services will return. My dad said his neighborhood looks like a war zone with all of the fallen trees and power lines. All I can do is hope things get fixed soon. I feel really bad for all of them. At least he and his wife have a fireplace and my mom, stepfather, and siblings are in possession of a propane heater. I can sleep knowing they won't freeze.

I wrote five pages on my thesis proposal today. I got the proposed experiment, hypotheses, ethical considerations, and methods sections completed. Now, I just have to get the introduction and the literature review put together. That's the hardest part for me. There's just so much literature to sift through and make sense of. It's difficult to know what I should and shouldn't include when SO MUCH of it seems completely relevant in some form. Either way, I hope to have a rough draft to submit to my adviser by the end of this week. I really want to get this thing written and proposed within the next couple of weeks so I can get approval from the Human Subjects Research Committee to go forward with my project. I'd really like to have the experiment completed and date collected by the time spring break gets here so I can analyze and defend my findings in April. I don't want to be finishing this thing the week before I graduate.

There's yet another Death Cab for Cutie concert on the horizon. They're going to be playing a show in Memphis at the Orpheum Theater with Ra Ra Riot (!!!!!!!!!) on April 11th, along with the Cold War Kids. I've never listened to the Cold War Kids, but I LOVE Ra Ra Riot and never imagined that I'd get to see them before moving to Seattle. Tickets are only $40 and it's only a 3 hour drive from here to Memphis (as opposed to the 6 and a half I drove to St. Louis for the one in October). Not a bad deal in my eyes. I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to see Ben Gibbard, Chris Walla, Nick Harmer, and Jason McGerr make awesome music together yet again. And always adds a really sweet icing to the cake when they play with other great bands (as they did with Rogue Wave last May in Columbia and Fleet Foxes last October in St. Louis). Tickets go on sale Friday. Wish me luck for good seats!

If you're not familiar with Fleet Foxes drummer J. Tillman, you should really check him out. He's put out a number of solo albums over the past few years. I got three of them Monday night and have been listening to them every since. It's really laid back, quiet, folky stuff that I find equally soothing and haunting simultaneously. His voice really does a number on me, much like Robin Pecknold's and Ben Gibbard's. Anyway, his music is my companion for the week. I highly recommend it.

I must shut down the music lab now and head to my house. Hot tea and good music will be had upon arriving home. The night is young.

Peace.

Oscar Time

The Academy Award nominees for 2009 were released yesterday. "Slumdog Millionaire," my pick for the year (last year it was "Juno"...2007, it was "Little Miss Sunshine"...and in 2006, it was, OF COURSE, "Brokeback Mountain." I'm still upset about that one losing to "Crash," but that's a different rant for a different time), has been nominated for 10 categories: Achievment in Cinematography, Achievement in Directing (Danny Boyle), Achievement in Film Editing, Achievement in Music Written for a Motion Picture (Original Score by A.R. Rahman), Achievement in Music Written for a Motion Picture (Original Songs: "Jai Ho," music by A.R. Rahman, lyrics by Gulzar; "O Saya," Music and Lyrics by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam (a.k.a., M.I.A)), Best Motion Picture of the Year, Achievement in Sound Editing, Achievement in Sound Mixing, AND Adapted Screenplay. "Milk," another film I've been following about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected public official who was later assassinated in San Francisco, has been nominated for 8 awards: Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role (Sean Penn), Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role (Josh Brolin), Achievement in Costume Design, Achievment in Directing (Gus Van Sant), Achievement in Film Editing, Achievement in Music Written for a Motion Picture (Original Score by Danny Elfman), Best Motion Picture of the Year, AND Original Screenplay. LONG LIST! I'm really excited to see how both of these films do on February 22.

I made playlist last night comprised of over 125 songs spanning everything from Rascal Flatts to film scores. IT'S AMAZING. I've been listening to it all morning and haven't skipped a single song. I love it when I do simple, meaningless things like this well. Music just means so much to me and to have hours of my favorite songs put together in such a pleasing way is just a really cool feeling for me.

I can't wait to go dancing tonight and let loose for a while. I also can't wait to see Martin. He will be receiving a number of hugs and kisses (on the cheek) from me. It's going to be a good night.

I hope the weekend treats everyone well.

Peace.

Good Things for a Change...

I just finished up four days with no commitments whatsoever. Saturday was free... Sunday was free, but I decided to attend the First Degree of Tau Beta Sigma's MC Period, which was TONS of fun and allowed me to see many people that I rarely get to interact with... Monday was a holiday for the university, so I slept late and then woke up and gave a lot of thought to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s life and accomplishments (honest to God, the guy is one of my few heroes)... and yesterday...

Well, yesterday, we inaugurated the first African-American president of the United States. Yesterday, I woke up at 9 a.m., turned on my television, sat down on the couch with my hound dog, and didn't remove myself from that position for any length of time until about 3 p.m. Yesterday, I cried every time I saw the words "The Inauguration of Barack Obama." Yesterday, I smiled and cheered on every occasion that he and his beautiful family were pictured. Yesterday, I watched in awe as Barack Hussein Obama took his oath as our nation's highest leader with his hand on the bible of Abraham Lincoln. Yesterday, I listened to a very inspiring and moving speech from a very passionate man and couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it is to see things you desperately want to happen actually happen. Yesterday, I waved goodbye and shouted loud, inappropriate things at the TV as the asshole who has resided in the White House for the last eight years got into a helicopter and flew away as PRESIDENT Obama looked on. Yesterday, for the first time in a very, VERY long time, I felt proud of my country and the fact that I am an American citizen. Yesterday, I got to witness history and know that I have been a part of its making.


I hope I never forget how that feels.

On a different note, if you haven't seen "Slumdog Millionaire," you should give it a watch. It's still in a few theaters, but it will be out on DVD on February 24th. It won four Golden Globes, including Best Film, and was also chosen as the best film for the Critics' Choice Awards. I'm anxious to see how it does at the Academy Awards. Dev Patel, the lead character, is an 18 year-old from England that's a pretty outstanding actor, especially for this being his first big film (he's not bad looking, either...). He's really good at conveying the many diverse emotions his character is experiencing and he has really sad eyes when he needs to. Freida Pinto, the girl in the film, is pretty great, too. She's absolutely beautiful and she and Patel interact well together. It's going to sound silly, but stay through the credits at the end. There's a pretty cheesy but cool dance scene with a large group of people and the two leads up in front. It's actually pretty impressive and the song they're dancing to is really catchy. I bought the score/soundtrack Saturday night. It's by A.R. Rahman and is really well done. I feel like he knew exactly how to compose music that sounded like the characters and the parts of India being portrayed. There are also a couple of songs by M.I.A. on there. Good stuff.



I also saw Fleet Foxes on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. If you've never seen/heard them perform live, I can't stress enough how amazing they are, especially when it's not being filtered through a television screen (but that's better than nothing). Their vocal harmonies are absolutely chill inducing. They may just look like a bunch of scrawny mountain men, but with instruments in their hands and a microphone in front of their faces, they are, in my opinion, one of the best bands out there right now. I met their lead singer, Robin Pecknold, in St. Louis back in October after a concert in which they opened for Death Cab for Cutie and he was one of the most humble, soft-spoken people I think I've ever encountered. It was awesome to get to talk to him for about 5-10 minutes. Last month, he was voted as having the best new voice of 2008 by Spin magazine. I can't say that I disagree with them at all. Josh Tillman, their drummer, is pretty outstanding in his own right. If you ever get to witness them playing, watch him go to town back there. In addition to having a great voice, it's pretty impressive to watch him rotate through his collection of percussion instruments back there around his drum set. I'm telling you, the Northwest is truly the place to look for great music. These guys are yet another product of Seattle and are currently a member of Sub Pop Record's family of artists, the same record label that put out Nirvana's stuff back in the day. If you decide to check them out, listen to "Blue Ridge Mountains," "Mykonos," and "Your Protector." If you have an open mind about music and appreciate strong voices and strings, I don't think you'll be disappointed.


"Mykonos" on SNL


"Blue Ridge Mountains" on SNL

I'm going dancing this weekend for the first time in months. And Martin will be here. And with the beginning this week has had, something drastic will have to happen to make this anything but a good next few days. I like it when the world works.

I wish I could blog all day, but I actually have things I should be doing... such as reading or writing one of the many things I have to complete in order to graduate in a few months. So... to that I go.

Peace.

So This is the New Year...

Here it is. My final semester as a student of ANY sort at Arkansas Tech University in the wonderful (*sarcasm*) town of Russellville, Arkansas. I have what feels like a huge project in the form of my thesis looming before me over the course of the next five months. When I really stop and think about it, though, there's really not going to be that much to it. The hardest part is going to be motivating myself to actually to the literature review for my proposal. Designing and conducting the research is actually going to be fun and interesting. I'm looking forward to interacting with individuals in a research setting once again. I'm particularly excited because I'll actually be addressing research questions that interest me as opposed to questions developed by professors. Either way, research = YAY. I'm also waiting for word for the University of Washington's Social Psychology PhD program. I'm really not counting on getting in, not because I have no confidence in my abilities or my achievements, but because it's a highly competitive program and a lot of students want to study there. I'm just ready to know, one way or another, whether I'll be continuing with school this fall or getting a job in the real world. Either way, I'll be in Seattle, so it's sort of a win/win situation.

Speaking of Seattle, I now have a plane ticket that will be getting me there on May 22. My friend and I are flying up that weekend for a 10-day stay in which we will HOPEFULLY find a place to live. Of course, we have to have a little fun while we're there, especially since she's never been. That weekend, Memorial Day weekend, the Northwest Folklife Festival will be taking place. It's a huge gathering of folks from all over, full of art, music, dancing, food, beer, and many other sorts of craziness. It's held at the Seattle Center (in the shade of the Space Needle) and, best of all, it's FREE. So we'll be spending some time checking that out. While at the Seattle Center, we may check out the Experience Music Project and the Science Fiction Museum and maybe even the Space Needle. Kris isn't so keen on heights, so I don't know if the observation deck would even be enjoyable for her. I also hope to make it back down to the waterfront, have some tasty fish & chips from Ivar's, feed the seagulls, visit the awesome aquarium. On the 29th, we'll be taking a ferry to Bremerton, renting a car, and heading out to explore the Olympic Peninsula. We'll be visiting Port Angeles, Forks, and La Push. I can't wait to see the beaches again. I miss the rocks and driftwood and sand so dark gray that it sometimes looks black. I also look forward to seeing the Hoh Rainforest once more. So much green and trees with trunks many times wider than myself. All in all, I'm just excited to be getting out of Arkansas again and back to the Northwest, my absolute favorite part of the US.

It's unbelievable to me that in six months, I will no longer be an Arkansan. It's definitely a happy thought and I've been planning for this, hoping for this, wishing for and wanting this more than just about anything else for several years. It's just a crazy feeling, ACTUALLY seeing all of that planning and hard work toward a goal coming to full fruition. Knowing that I, Chelsea Liddell, will be getting the hell out of the south. Knowing that Seattle really is REAL... I've been there...twice... but sometimes my memories of it seem like a dream, as though a place that great and people and culture like that can't really exist. A place with multiple music venues, record companies, recording studios, a view of TWO mountain ranges and a gorgeous body of water, located only 3-4 hours from the Pacific Ocean, Canada, AND Portland, Oregon, and responsible for producing both Death Cab for Cutie AND Fleet Foxes HAS to be too good to be true. But I'm moving there. In six months. I will have a home in the city I've loved for more years than I can remember. An actual place to go at the end of the day where my dog and all of my things will reside. I won't have to get back in a car or on a bus or on a plane and return "home" to Arkansas. It's always felt rather backwards for me when I leave Seattle... as though "home" is there and leaving it kind of tugs at my heart and stomach a bit. Watching it disappear behind me has always left with a sort of sad, hopeless feeling, knowing that what awaited me at the end was Arkansas, the place where I was born and grew up, where the people I love and cherish live and will probably never leave, but also the place that I outgrew in so many ways too long ago. On two occasions, coming back here has both hurt some unseen part of me and, at the same time, made me more determined to step out and do something with my life. You only get one of them and there's no sense in spending any more of it than you have to in a state of unhappiness. If you can create positive change within your own life, there's no reason not to. Seattle is the change I want. Seattle is where I feel I need to be right now. I all but hear it calling to me, exercising some unknown and invisible force on my being. And, with all of that being said, I'm literally counting down the days... with big green 'X's on my calendars. Only a thesis and six months stand in my way.

I bought a blue and gray plaid, soft, cotton, button-up shirt at Old Navy on Saturday for $6.49, the kind that looks as though it could have already been worn for a while before I picked it up and decided to give it a chance. The kind that just looking at it hanging on the rack made me think "Now THAT is a comfortable shirt." I look like a big nerd in it, but I also look more like myself wearing that shirt than anything else I've owned in years. It's quickly becoming my favorite.

My new laptop rocks my face off. SO much better than the other one I've had for almost seven years. The poor thing's battery was shot, requiring it to be plugged in if you wanted to use it for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. The new one holds all of my music, unlike the old one that had only a 20GB hard drive and required an external drive to hold my songs; this was quite inconvenient if I wanted to travel with my computer and have my music available. At that point, I just really didn't even see the point of having a laptop. I'm glad I talked myself into spending the money on a new one. Not a bad investment.

What I'm currently listening to and LOVING:
*Owl City- "Maybe I'm Dreaming" (The lyrics to "Saltwater Room" are enough to make me teary-eyed...SO GOOD) and "Of June"
*Iron & Wine- "The Shepherd's Dog" (check out "House by the Sea" and "Boy With a Coin" if you don't listen to anything else on the album)
*The Killers- "Day & Age" ("Human" is AMAZING)
*The Bravery- the song "Believe" (with which I have recently been reunited... I couldn't find my copy of the single for quite some time. Thanks, roomie!)
*Death Cab for Cutie- "Transatlanticism" ("New Year" makes me want to give life the finger. "Tiny Vessels" gives me chills with its incredibly straight forward lyrics. "We Looked Like Giants" makes me long for someone to be free with. The title track, "Transatlanticism," makes me ache inside. So much honesty on that album. I wish I could convey feeling in such an understandable way. Ben Gibbard stands alone.)
*Rilo Kiley- "Under the Blacklight" (I first heard "Silver Lining" in a live recording sung by Ben Gibbard. He did it justice, but the original is outstanding. "Close Call" is also worth multiple listens.)

To end on a funny note...


I could survive for 1 minute, 3 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor


Thanks, Kris.

It's lunch time here in the Behavioral Sciences Department. My leftovers are calling to me from the fridge. Hopefully, I'll update a little sooner this next time. Two and a half months is too long to go without blogging. I miss it.

Peace.

Get up off your ass and go VOTE. Words can't begin to express the importance of this one, simple task at this time in our country.

Not Ready to Love

I was listening to "One Man Guy," as performed by Rufus Wainwright (the song was originally written and recorded by his father) this morning and, for some reason, found his voice to be particularly comforting and appropriate for my mood today. Because of this, I decided I'd just listen to every Rufus Wainwright song I have with me on my iPod. I've collected random stuff by him over the years from several of his albums, but the only album of his I've ever bought in its entirety is "Release the Stars," his latest one which was released early last summer. While in San Francisco last May, I wandered into the Virgin Megastore off Market Street and encountered a display advertising the newly released album. It was on sale and, for some reason, I felt compelled to purchase it. I had never bought any of his other albums... don't know why I suddenly needed this one. But ANYWAY... I didn't even open it until I left on the bus from Seattle about a week and a half later to make my journey back to Arkansas. I'm really glad I didn't listen to it before then because it complimented the scenery of Eastern Washington and Oregon so well. The snow-capped mountains, the green that stretched forever in all directions... Wainwright's voice and musings on love just seemed to work well as an accompaniment for taking all of it in. I listened to that album a LOT over the course of that two-day ride back to the South. However, I hadn't really paid much attention to it since then. Until today.

When my playlist reached "Release the Stars," I immediately woke up from my Monday morning stupor as I recognized the beginnings of the album. I listened intently, hearing things I remembered fondly, hearing things I didn't remember at all. What struck me most was the fact that I don't remember feeling SO moved by these songs. I don't remember ever actively acknowledging the beauty of these intstrumental arrangements. I don't remember his voice creating this feeling in my chest, causing my breath to catch on certain notes. I don't remember getting chills as I listened to his lyrics. Maybe I was just in a different place mentally when I first experienced this album. Or maybe I just hadn't yet learned to listen this way. Whatever the case may be, I have found a new and amazing friend in this album and I feel so bad for neglecting it for so long.

Last summer, I recall loving the songs "Going to a Town," in which Wainwright criticizes America and how it has let the world down in the last few years, and "Slideshow," in which he ponders his love for a particular individual, whether it's real or not, and what it means for him to feel this way. This time around, I still find those songs lovely; even more so now because of the way I'm listening to them. However, I somehow overlooked this outstanding song called "Not Ready to Love" when I first bought the album. How, I will never know... because it is gorgeous and heart-wrenching and pulls from me a response that few songs can. On my second listen through the album today, I set aside everything I was doing to completely take it in. All I could do was close my eyes and listen, processing the layers of sound -- acoustic guitar, steel guitar, an almost hidden bass line, and later, piano -- overlapping, intertwining, creating an inexplicable beauty with his smooth as silk voice topping it all off like icing on a cake while putting forth words so heartfelt it made me want to cry. I probably would have had I been anywhere else.

I've been in a mood the past week or so stemming from any number of areas in my life. When I stop and really think about it, though, what it comes down to is that I feel lonely. I want someone to want me. I want to turn around and see someone there. I want to wake up, roll over, and see someone I love lying next to me. But, at the same time, I realize I am in no place in my life to want or have this sort of thing. I don't want to involve myself with someone that I will only leave in a number of months as I make my way to Seattle. I already feel like shit, knowing that I'll be doing that to friends I've been lucky enough to find here, those that mean more to me than they'll ever know. To walk away from that kind of love is bad enough, but friendships are designed to withstand time and distance and it's in this that I trust. In short, I don't want to involve myself in something until I can do it right and give another person the same sort of love, affection, and attention that I know I deserve and would expect from them. If I can't put myself in a situation where I can at least attempt to do things correctly, then I don't see the point. This, however, does not change the fact that I'm lonely. That my chest hurts. That I have headaches daily. That I'm filled with a longing that won't go away. That I can't sleep a lot of nights. That I want something I can't have, no matter what I do.

And I guess that's why "Release the Stars," and "Not Ready to Love" in particular, is speaking to me today. I love that music can do that... allow you to connect to SOMETHING, not matter what it is you're feeling or experiencing. When nothing else seems to work, when no one seems to care, when you think you could never find the right words to express what you're feeling, along comes a perfect song, out of the blue, that has the ability to encompass all of the impossibilities of the moment. I'd be lost without that.




I'm not ready to love, I'm not ready for peace
I'm givin' up the dove to the beast
I'm not ready to surrender to another glove murderer

I'm not ready to love, I'm not ready to to fly
I'm givin' up belief in the sky
So you can take my sin in up above on high, say goodbye

I'm not ready to love, I'm not ready to love
I'm not ready to love until I'm ready to love you the way you should be loved
Until I'm ready to hold you the way you should be held
You should be held, but I'm not ready to

"Not Ready to Love," by Rufus Wainwright

"The Rhumb Line," by Ra Ra Riot

Seriously.... listen to this album.

_________________________________________________________________

Have I been too discreet
How long am I supposed to wait
I think about you nightly
Oh can you tell I'm losing sleep

What am I supposed to do
It's hard to stay cool
When you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak

My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair

Oh baby baby please
My heart sinks to my feet
What am I supposed to do
I think about you nightly

My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair

My bed's too big for me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair

When I look into your eyes
I tend to lose my thoughts
Don't forget your stare
Oh what was that you said
Would you let me know
'Cause I can't read your mind
Oh can you tell
I can't even explain

Oh baby I can't even explain
What am I supposed to do
It's hard to stay cool
When you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak
Oh, standing by your sister fair

"Can You Tell," by Ra Ra Riot